Archive for the ‘Funny Stuff’ Category

Just a few reasons why you should always ask a lot of questions when viewing a property that you are looking at renting as you might just uncover more than what meets the eye….

For every Saffa living in London, we are all too well experienced in the mission of looking for a decent spot, not all of us come over here with £50 000 in our pockets to slap down as a deposit on a house, because if you did have that kind of money to blow on a deposit, then its probably best you stay in SA and buy yourself a nice little mansion. So as the majority of us rent, we've all seen our share of dodgy shit holes that prospective landlords couldn't even expect cockroaches to live in…. lets just say, by the end of this article, you will no doubt ALWAYS request a new mattress or bed

We've all had our experiences where we've moved into an "awesome" spot and only then once deposits are paid and you've signed on the dotted line, you find out there's alot more that meets the eye, for example, the ridiculously noisy neighbour, Moby Dick upstairs that thumps around in her high heels on a wooden floor, the old granny downstairs who keeps knocking and putting letters through your door every time you let a slight fart slip out, even when you've used extreme stealth and precision, quite successfully muffling the thundering sound between your ass cheeks and the layers of cushion in your couch… don't laugh girls, you know I'm talking about all of you haha Sadly its usually all these sorts of things that you only find out afterwards, unless you asked the right questions to the slimey snake err um I mean estate agent beforehand. He may not have to tell you everything without you knowing he's lying or not telling you everything, We've all fallen short of these problems in one shape or form, even myself a few months back where I couldn't do any recording for the entire time I was there due to the thumping sounds of peoples heels above…. but these are all very minor when you read what happened to my good friend "Joe" (not his real name, he's requested me not to mention it, you'll see why)…. Ask yourself this question…. How well do you know the history of the place you are renting right now?

A few months ago Joe moved into his new place with his doll and it seemed like your pretty average rent, everything that met the eye seemed ok and nothing to complain about… yet… until the end of the first night of course. The very next day, Joe had to contact his landlord to ask him if he wouldn't mind changing the mattress since his missus had literally been chomped by bedbugs throughout the night. To Joe's surprise there was no hesitation and the very next day, the old bed was swiftly removed and a brand new bed installed…. all was fine over the next few months, however soon Joe and his doll realised that they needed a bigger boat, so they decided to move out. On the day they were moving out, the neighbour popped in to wish them farewell and noticed the new bed and redecoration of the place… the neighbour then went on to say how nice the place looked after what happened with the previous tenant. As you can imagine, Joe grew slightly inquisitive as anybody would and asked what had happened… well… howz this for a story…. The previous tenant was apparently attacked at the nearby train station and hit over the head with something, he made it home however he died lying face down in a pool of blood from the head wound… on the bed…. After a few days the neighbour noticed a smell coming from the room due to the door being slightly ajar from when the tenant obviously stumbled home injured and met his end. It probably wasn't a very pleasant site however the landlord did a sterling job at cleaning up the place however do you think he replaced the bed??? This is a landlord we're talking about, they'll cut costs even if it costed them there own mother's limbs…. Lets just say, I guess the well cleaned blood stain and bits of brain matter were on the underside of the mattress that could have passed for "other stains" if questioned…. now we know why those frickin bed bugs had such a taste for blood  

Luckily Joe didn't have to spend another night there, because quite honestly I couldn't have.

So… had any previous tenants being victims of a murder in your bed recently?….

Got any tales of renting woe? the comment section is all yours… go wild!  

- Marky Mark

If there was a FaceBook Fan Page called "I Love Lip Syncing", its no secret that Britney Spears would be the owner, let alone just a fan. From lip syncing live on X-Factor a while ago to even The Jen and the Phreak attending one of her shows at the O2 about a year ago noting that she was blatantly miming, I guess it's safe to say its basically what she does…all the time…

Ok, Chris Crocker best you not read any further, I got this from my favourite daily read over at 2OceansVibe and just couldn't resist telling you lot about it. We all know that Britney Spears prances around stage doing cart wheels yet quite seemingly is able to do this whilst keeping her breathing at an exceptionally controlled pace and hooting down the microphone with studio quality vocals… I guess its only the teeny bopping 10 year olds that don't really care since they didn't folk out £65 of their hard earned cash for the shambolical experience… mommy and daddy did. Personally if I really wanted to be within 50m of ol' Brit, which is basically all it is, I wouldn't pay for it, I'd just find out which hotel she's staying at and wait outside (although this will probably eventually get me a 50m restraining order of some sort)… but none the less, this is what you would really hear if they turned her mic up during her songs as this was in fact recorded at a "live" concert of hers through her mic channel.

Makes you wonder just how much sound engineering actually goes into fixing her voice for her albums

I'm thinking… just a pretty face

Speaking of Fan Pages earlier… Have you joined the awesome PharSide FaceBook Fan Page yet? Become a fan and check out some of the videos

[Thanks Seth] 

- Marky Mark

Many of you would have read about this in the Metro yesterday morning which has caused quite a laugh… well possibly not for the Aussie banker involved, seen checking out racy pics of none other than Miranda Kerr live on Channel 7 News…

We've all seen, especially on Sky News for example, you'll have the presenter dude parking there nattering away while his little army of news room colleagues hack away at their computers doing whatever it is that they do. Well this wasn't exactly a news room, however the same concept was applied where an office background was used while a banker from Australian bank, Macquarie Bank, gave a financial report live on air for Channel 7 News in Australia.

Now I wouldn't expect anything less from our aussie mates when it comes to this sort of thing, but look closely at the video below, watch the dude at his computer to the left of the presenter's right ear

BUSTED! haha

To be honest, I think the dude had every right to view such an awesome pic, just because

Click here for some NSFW pics which include Miranda showing a bit more than her shoulder which you might wanna check out, if you haven't already

- Marky Mark

Jennifer Love Hewitt was recently interviewed on Lopez Tonight and revealed something that has completely changed my "Little Sweet Princess" perception of her… RESPECT!

This is a little something my main man Nash shared a few words about a few days ago that I just could not resist giving my 2 cents about it.

I'd say by now you've seen a porno or two in the few years you've been on this planet, and for those who haven't… well you're either just weird, not normal, too young and should probably get the hell off my blog and climb back under your rock from whence you came you sad sad person You may have noticed back in the 70's or so, bush was in and these days the exact opposite is quite the norm where in some cases the only acceptable form and now here comes Jennifer Love Hewitt, the itty bitty little princess who you'd think would giggle and blush at the slightest mention of anything remotely erotic, and drops a bomb completely blowing the competition out of the water by setting a new standard in female presentation…

Observe….

my my, I'm strangely aroused haha

I'll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the table…

Forget diamond rings and jewellery boys, soon your doll is gonna want a dashing new set of Swarovski crystals for her birthday because seriously, if celebs such as JLH start vagazzling their vajayjays, you know that shit is gonna catch on… 

Well I don't know about you, but I'm patiently waiting… "tick tock"

Oh and just one more thing guys…

Don't bother Googling that shit , I already tried haha Out of pure curiosity of course

What do you think of Vagazzling? comments please

- Marky Mark

No surprise from the advertising team at Axe (Lynx) for putting yet another hilarious ad together. Although this time the hotness that is Jaime Pressly features

Did I mention she is on my Top 10 Hottest Dolls list? I'm sure I heard a rumour a while ago that she was a porn star once upon a time… I dunno, but either way she was the reason I ever watched My Name is Earl, well apart from it being a hilarious comedy ofcourse

Enjoy

[Thanks Evan]

- Marky Mark

Rage Against The Machine – Killing in the name is currently sitting at Number 1 this week beating X Factor's Joe McElderry in the charts, and well on its way to becoming The Christmas Number 1

Check this video out, better watch it quick before it gets pulled from YouTube again

Two words…

Sheer Brilliance!

Awesomeness!

And if you liked that… you're gonna love this

- Marky Mark

I received a video of this guy Dimitri, who calls up this girl, Olga that he met a couple days before, and leaves her two voicemails for her to call him back. The hilarious thing is you will not believe the nerve of this guy where he actually thinks he is God’s gift to women, your jaw will drop at this, its frickin hilarious at how he rates himself, however after further investigation, it seems the plot thickens, and oh shit does it thicken… even our good friend Whackhead has had a go

Here is the video of the two voicemails, the story goes like this: “A girl named Olga, was out with friends having drinks on King St in Toronto. This guy approaches her and won't leave her alone -saying how cute she is. She finally gives in and hands the guy her business card to get rid of him. The video is of not one, but TWO voicemails this guy left. This goes down in the history books – especially the second voice mail. After hearing them you can clearly see why she didn't call him back – instead she called in to the Z103.5 morning show & had them play this on the air.”

Okay, you can pick your jaw up off the table now, honestly WTF! Hahaha Did he honestly expect after all that that he would get a call back from her, I’m thinking two words… Restraining Order. I can’t think of many words to describe this dude other than, psycho!

Now I thought its quite possible that this was some sort of hoax, so I did some further investigation on it only to find that this idiot is actually for real, his real name is James Sears and he is from Toronto, Canada. He was in fact a doctor, however due to his psychotic tendencies he lost his license. This is where it gets hilarious, you will never believe what this head case does for a living now. He runs training courses and seminars for…. wait for it… Picking Up Chicks. Can you handle! He calls himself, Dimitri The Lover. This lunatic is actually going around charging people who are likely to have charges laid against them in the future because of his “training”. This dumbass claims to get alot of women. In todays world, the only women I can imagine that he gets are girls that want to get dominated in an extreme way or have some kind of weird fetish for that sort of thing which in my opinion is a very small minority, mostly in very backward places. He has a pretty disturbing website which is, http://www.dimitrithelover.com you’ll laugh at the opening message that pops up.

Here is a clip of Dimitri, here you get to see what this dude looks like… now don’t laugh, thats just mean haha but if you were expecting to see a stud muffin, well let’s just say you’re going to be somewhat disappointed ? What you will see however is just how disturbed this head case actually is…

 I’m sure you are quite further shocked. Someone please tell me what planet this lunatic is from where he honestly believes he is some kind of super hero, who thinks he is a god (he is greek apparently) when it comes to women. I'm sure without a doubt that he is going to be a very lonely old man someday because once he gets over the hill he isn’t getting nothing. The reason being is that from what I can see, this guy isn’t in the game to become a better person and attract better women which is likely to lead to a better long term goal, which is what legend’s like Neil Strauss, author of “The Game” aim for, this idiot is purely in the game to get laid and nothing else, because no woman I know would possibly put up with his bullshit in the long run. This guy is a fake and a retard who should seriously be locked up for just being such a moron.

Like I said, even our good friend, the Legend that is Darren “Whackhead” Simpson had a pop at him, by actually calling him up
Have a listen

Now if that wasn't enough, this is where it gets even better.
There is speculation that the voicemails were part of a viral marketing campaign by some Hollywood producer, by the name of Brad Goodman, who apparently was involved with the likes of Borat and Bruno. Apparently he is filming a documentary of this nutcase as he explains in this video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iwVgnPEpgw

However whether or not this is some kind ad campaign, it's pretty sick to capitalize and promote this psychopath and his ridiculous behaviour.
I guess they see a way of making money by shocking people as they saw with the unbelievable success of Borat and semi-success of Bruno, which in my opinion was marketed extremely well with massive hype, but sadly a little too over the top and not something many are likely to watch a second time. Personally I wouldn't pay money to see this shit; but I may watch it out of curiosity… as a pirate copy ofcourse :

This article is pretty interesting about the man behind Dimitri where other newspapers have written about him, he is seriously one sick retarded individual…

http://torontoist.com/2008/06/remember_dimitri_the_lover.php

oh and remember girls… he's single haha

Quite a hottie isn't he?

- Marky Mark

Well the Aussies are at it again… excuse the pun

I've said it before, the one thing I love about Aussies, is that they are blunt, to the point and they don't bugger around trying to say or do anything in a round about way, the go straight in for it… and out, and in again as you so shall see

A couple who appeared to have the urge for a bit of afternoon action satisfaction were spotted mid stride at the top of a Sydney clock tower by a giggling crowd of onlookers passing by in the street below, at around 3:30pm yesterday . Apparently they became aware that they were being watched yet that wasn't enough to make them stop until they were done, I'm guessing it was that good, and we all know that "point of no return"… the buildings could collapse around you but ain't nothing gonna break you away from that moment haha

It is not known who the couple were, however they are believed to be students, as the building below their altar of passion is a student accomodation called Unilodge, I guess the name says it all. They are fast becoming an international hit and media companies are begging the couple to reveal themselves.

Alot of us will remember these other two, spotted having a nice little lunchtime bang on the rooftop of a building in Soho, London, a few years ago as seen in this video

- Marky Mark

Driver safety campaigns always tend to use shock tactics to make people aware of the dangers of not wearing a seat belt… but trust us saffas to find a humorous way of getting the message across.

This is quite an old Drive Alive ad campaign to encourage wearing seatbelts as its been around since 2001 funny enough, surprisingly the first time I saw it was yesterday, thanks to the boys over at SA Promo. We've all seen the shock tactics used in other driver safety campaigns and trust me, they aren't videos you'd normally want to watch again, yet trusting us South Africans to find the funny side of the shittiest situations, I present this to you… Enjoy

Some of you will remember a program on TV back in the day called, "Louis Motors"… that's Percy in the car

- Marky Mark

For those who have heard of Darren "Whackhead" Simpson, he'll need no introduction, but for those who haven't heard of him, firstly, what rock have you been living under in the Karoo because you seriously haven't lived! Secondly, you're about to… and thirdly, your girlfriend/boyfriend is gonna be very pissed off with me for telling about you this… you'll understand why very soon because you won't be able to stop yourself from going onto next video after next video

Now I've just spent the last 1.5 hrs listening to just a few of Whackhead's pranks on YouTube… my head is literally pounding from laughing so much, I can't talk properly because my jaw muscles are so exhausted that  I now have a slight case of lock jaw, my stomach muscles are aching so much that I'm just praying that nothing funny happens in the next few minutes like, The Jen who is finally fast asleep next to me, starts having a full on conversation in her sleep (for the record and my safety, she doesn't, but there's a first time for everything, since she teases me about it all the time, I'm waiting with the video camera armed and ready! *cheeky grin*). Not to mention that I have lost count how many times I almost chundered due to laughing so hard that it developed into a full on violent cough, where I was choking and battling to get my breath back… so I guess you get the picture? he's pretty damn funny

So for those who don't know, Darren "Whackhead" Simpson is the "Serial Prankster" who all the Joburg locals have the pleasure of listening to on a regular basis with Jeremy Mansfield on his show, The Rude Awakening on Highveld Stereo 94.7. I would also just like to point out that Whackhead is originally from none other than my old turf, Pinetown and rumour has it that he was even fortunate enough to go to the same school as me, being Pinetown Boys High, he must feel honoured about this, its probably why he's so cool haha I would actually live in Joburg if it meant I could listen to fresh Whackhead pranks everyday on my way to work… and trust me when I say this, thats a huge statement from me I first heard of Whackhead when he appeared for a company launch party for some friends of mine, Hazel and Kelly from Living It Live back in 2007, I wondered why Denzil must of looked at me strangely when I asked who this dude was that everyone was raving about when I saw the launch video, but my questions were very quickly answered when I was opened up to this whole new world of telephone pranking genius!

I have never heard of anyone who can pull off phone pranks like he does, he's an absolute genius when it comes to it. How he keeps a straight face is beyond me, personally I know this from when Parys Potgieter's Crib was filmed, because we all know it can be excruciatingly difficult to keep a straight face without bursting out laughing when something is ridiculously hilarious. Also when he gets bored of pranking South Africa, he even starts pranking people right here in the UK as well as Australia amongst others.

One of Whackhead's most notable and probably most expensive pranks (for the other party ofcourse) was when he went live on air for the Kyle and Jackie O Radio Show in Australia in Jan 2009, posing as none other than Tom Cruise to do a live on air interview for Valkyrie. Whackhead had them going for a short period of time before chaos at the radio station erupted when they realised that they were the victims of a massive prank by our dear Darren. Apparently the station had spent $150 000 in advertising that week for the "interview" whereas Whackhead even had the balls to tell them that it had only costed him a R6 phone call. He also made a point of congratulating the SA Cricket Team for beating the Aussies the day before… nice

Listen to the Tom Cruise prank here

Now it would be virtually impossible to post every video on YouTube of each his pranks so I'll just post a few below to wet your taste buds a bit. Make sure you have no work to do or have alot of time to kill because he is seriously seriously addictive, it'll be a case of, "ok just one more" and that one more will be ten pranks ago in no time. This evening I found an entire Youtube playlist of Whackhead as "Piet The Receptionist" I thought I'd tempt myself to a few minutes as I had quite a bit to get done on PharSide this evening, however this turned into a full on "Piet The Receptionist" marathon which as mentioned, lasted 1.5 hrs and put me in the state I am now.

Click here for the "Piet The Receptionist" Youtube Playlist

Here are some Whackhead pranks, enjoy!

(Please note, I do not take responsibilty for people in your office looking at you funny because you're laughing out loud like a freak, thats Whackhead's fault)

This first one you'll know very well… click here

And here's a recent one where he pranks Ras Dumasani

Whackhead, I salute you! Keep it coming!

[Thanks Jason]

- Marky Mark

I'm sure everyone has seen the rendition that Ras Dumisani did of the South African Anthem by now, and I'm sure you all noticed that there were some gaps where he seemed to forget certain words a bit… Here's an easy, fun approach…

Now its no secret, there are a tremendous amount of people who cannot recite the entire anthem word for word without reading the words to help them along. I've managed to find a pretty easy and fun way to learn it, its actually pretty cool, take a look

- Marky Mark

Here's some tips on fun and amusing things to do with your girlfriend at home when you're bored

This one takes the cake literally…haha Apparently this is the guys revenge for getting his girlfriend for hitting him over the head with a tray and slapping it on YouTube…. OWNAGE!

Here's another great one, I keep telling The Jen that I have to try it sometime… you should see the stare… it would even make the Grim Reaper nervous

Ok this is break up material, not recommended… only do this if you are no longer happy in your relationship and you wanna go out in a blaze and glory!

The Jen should be glad I'm the smoker and not her… although the dude fails when he throws the bucket at her… EISH!

And last but not least… How to wake up your girlfriend

Disclaimer: Please note that I take no responsibility for the harm that may be caused to you in the event that your girlfriend bites back…HARD!

The Jen would also just like to point out that if I do attempt any of these useful tips, there will be dire repocusions for me in the form of physical harm and pain……. we'll see haha

- Marky Mark

Man spotted clinging to the back of a truck down the N1 in Cape Town

You've got to laugh at the stupidity of this Evil Knievel wannabe, this dude was spotted clinging to the back of a truck going down the N1 in Cape Town on Monday morning. Not much more I can say that the pictures wont, so here they are… enjoy

Look up ahead, its a bird, its a plane… nought bru, its a dude on the back of a truck

Lets get a closer look…

Don't look now, but you've got some badass kerels on your ass… try blend in by not looking back, maybe they won't see you…

Oh dear…. I reckon his banging his head on the back of that truck for this..bang! bang! bang!.. off to chookie!

I mean come on… did he think he wouldn't get noticed… maybe he only thought from the front..

Only in SA

[Thanks Rose and The Phreak]

- Marky Mark

A Russian Fork-lift driver loses control and crashes into shelving and brings down the entire warehouse… hectic FAIL!

An accident occured in a booze warehouse in Moscow which stocked bottles of Vodka and Cognac last week.

As you will see, a fork-lift driver attempts to manoevre his fork-lift, however it appears he somehow loses control while in reverse and shunts backwards colliding into the corner of a heavy duty shelving rack. Within seconds the entire warehouse comes crashing down like a house of cards.

Luckliy the driver managed to be dug out of the carnage with only minor leg injuries, however I reckon for the rest of this oke's life he is going to start any drinking game with an automatic spillage penalty for crimes of mass destruction on poor innocent bottles of Vodka.

Apparently the damages amounted to £60 000, I bet thats his bonus out the door or should I say on the floor for that matter.

Check the Warehouse CCTV footage below…  EPIC FAIL!

[source]

- Marky Mark

Have a look at the picture below carefully…

Did you notice the girl in the background?

Did you notice her butt?

If you did then you have failed the eye test…..

What you should have seen was the shoulder of the girl with the camera

- Marky Mark