Archive for the ‘In The News’ Category

A tiger by the name of Panjo, is running loose in the Delmas area of Mpumalanga, South Africa after hopping off the back of a bakkie…

So in other words, if you live in the Delmas area then… if you go down to the woods today, you in for a big surprise… la la di dum That is correct, you know how your dog just "knows" he's on his way to the vet, before you've got him in the car he suddenly develops a severe case of paralysis in his legs, well it appears this was no different for our dear friend, Panjo. You see he must have known he was on his way to the vet for a shot because while his owners were transporting him there last night on the back of a bakkie, as soon as he saw a gap, he took it, and now he is wandering around Delmas scaring the locals shitless, as you can imagine.

Panjo is a 17 Month old tiger who apparently lives with his owners on a game farm near Kempton Park. His owner, Goosey Fernandes says that Panjo is very tame and even dossers on the same bed like an oversized kitten, although he has also mentioned that if Panjo doesn't have a kiff chow in no more than 3 days, he'll either die or start killing, which would be a real shame either way really.

Apparently Panjo has been spotted by a spotter plane however they can only really radio in his whereabouts in order for him to be captured. Apparently a large number of farmers are searching for him.

A spokesman for Wildlife South Africa has said if you spot Panjo, "just stand still, if you run you are dead", Goosey Fernandes on the other hand says that you should pick up a stick and shout "No!", no lets get real… I think I'll go with Goosey's idea to be honest, cause at least if you get munched, at least people can say you tried.

It is believed that Panjo is ofcourse an illegal immigrant as it is said that his owner has not registered him which is all a bit boring to be honest.

On a more serious note, I just hope these farmers or anyone that is out looking for him aren't gonna get stupid and take a few pot shots at the poor bugger, you know how they can get sometimes, lets just hope he gets darted and safely returned to his habitat on the game farm where he can bask in the ambience of his fame for the rest of his days.

One thing we are sure of, is that Panjo does have his iPhone on him as he has a Twitter profile which you can follow him on and get up to date information of life on the run… check out his Twitter profile here

I've already designed a nice little DVD cover for Panjo's movie for when he gets back…. call me Panjo!

I guess those jokes of us telling our English colleagues that we have wild animals roaming our streets, just became reality

[Source: TimesLive]

- Marky Mark

For those of you that live on the moon you probably haven't noticed (although you've probably had a pretty good view of it) but the skies across London have been quite empty over the last few days, it was actually quite weird to have a cloudless and jet-streamless blue sky on Saturday here in Lodnon, but just incase you do infact live on the moon and not noticed, there's a moerse fokken volcano erupting in Iceland of all places, which is wreaking havoc in the atmosphere above the UK and much of Europe…

Since Thursday last week and just my luck, the day after I get back from a 3 week holiday in SA, the entire UK airspace was shutdown with a flight ban that is said to be the biggest since World War 2. Now I say just my luck because I could be having a nice little extended holiday basking like a little lizzard on a rock somewhere in Durbs if I'd booked my flight just one day later. This is all due to huge amounts of volcanic ash which explode out of this little pissed off volcano with such a force that it reaches altitudes in excess of 60 000 feet… and then thanks to our awesome weather system in these parts of the world, the wind blows all this ash our way, strangely enough not actually causing much of a disturbance in the airspace above Iceland itself. Now you're probably asking yourself what can a little bit of ash which is as fine as baby powder do with keeping planes out of the sky… well quite a bit apparently.

It is said that although the ash is quite fine, it is quite abrasive like sand from a sand blaster or VIM (the stuff you clean with!) that it causes huge amounts of damage to the exterior of the plane to the extent that the front window of the plane would resemble a misted effect that you wouldn't be able to see through at all. Now if this wasn't bad enough from a financial perspective for the airline, jet engines run at a temperature in excess of 1600 degrees. When this ash gets into the engine itself, not only does it sand blast the rotor blades to shit but since its is a mixture of molten rock and glass it starts to melt again and clump up all inside the the engine. If enough of this stuff gets into the engine it can stop the engine completely and put out the flames which cause the thrust out the back of the engine which moves the plane forward. Not something that you want to happen at 35 000 feet since a Boeing or an Airbus pretty much glides like a brick. 

So its for these reasons that the UK airspace authority tjooned, No Go!…

Now obviously the problem this has caused is that people all over the world like many of our family and friends in SA are stuck and cannot get back to the UK. Now would you believe it, The Jen is one of those unlucky people who are stuck back in SA. She was supposed to arrive at Heathrow on Friday afternoon on a flight from SA on Egypt Air via Cairo, if there's one thing I am glad about is that the flight was cancelled before it left Joburg bound for Cairo, since she has family in Jozi that she has been staying while this all "blows over". Unfortunately not all my mates have been so lucky, I recently heard that my friend Monique is stuck in Libya of all places… EISH! not somewhere I'd like to be stuck to be honest. Melly, don't worry, I'm thinking of you too my boi haha

However, last night the big cheese of British Airways, Mr. Willie Walsh got a bit gatvol with keeping his planes on the ground and decided to take a test flight in a Boeing 747 up to 40 000 feet over the Atlantic for just short of 3 hours, landing safely in Cardiff where the plane and its engines were thoroughly inspected. What they found is that the plane sustained no damage from the ash and as of this afternoon the MET Office has reported that the eruption has virtually ceased which will cause a major drop in the amount of ash that is currently in the air. With this the airspace authority have decided to start lifting the ban in the north in Scotland from 7am tomorrow and hopefully lift the ban in southern England here in London by 6pm tomorrow.

Now this is brilliant news however we can't get too excited just yet, because remember there is a 5 day backlog of passengers who need to fly on Wednesday including the people who had already booked to fly on that day, so it does mean that for a lucky few they'll get to fly straight away however for many, the wait is going to take a little longer. Here's just hoping The Jen gets on a plane asap… and all you other unlucky buggers too

Have you also been stuck and standed too? tjoon us about it… write a comment below…

- Marky Mark

DSTV Multichoice has apparently been inundated with requests for porn channels over the last few months, to the extent that they are actually looking at getting with the times by making this available as a pay per view option…but…

You may have heard a bit about this lately. DSTV Multichoice are looking at making porn channels available as a pay per view option, naturally… but you may have also heard about the huge amount of bullshit surrounding the whole saga to the extent that it is getting just a little bit ridiculous now. Recently DSTV decided that if they were going to do this, then perhaps it would be a good idea to get a general feeling about it from the public first… ja bad idea, and quite honestly an epic fail since they are probably wishing they never brought the whole topic up. What they should have just done is, made it available, if you want to watch it, you pay for it, thats it, simples… but no, they had to go and open a massive can of worms, did they not realise that there was going to be a great divide as to who wants it and who doesn't?

Lets be a little realistic and honest about the whole thing, Piet and Sarie are about 50 years old, Piet schmaaks checking the Rugby on Supersport on a Saturday and Sarie schmaaks checking her "whatever" programs and a kiff movie while they stay at home on a Saturday night. They receive an email or letter from DSTV advising that they want to know how everyone feels about having porn channels available but not "freely" available… Sarie immediately gets on her high horse throwing the Bible at it, stating that it is absolute filth and the demise of the human race yada yada yada… because it will be an awesome topic to display her "values" and uphold her status within her Wednesday goss… ur um..book club. Piet just agrees cause not a chance is he gonna be looked upon as the spawn of Satan by Sarie, she may very well deprive the poor bastard of the little bit of action he does get these days. So off goes their petition signed, Sarie and Piet… even though Piet is already skeeming in his mind about how he's gonna manage to hide the DSTV bill every month with the extra Pay Per View costs on it … Now if DSTV just went and did it, Sarie might be scrolling through the onscreen guide and notice a couple channels with titles such as "Gangbangs of New York"  or "Riding Miss Daisy" or something a little more obvious.. but the most she is gonna do is give a little "Sies!" and flick passed it. She doesn't care for it and it obviously doesn't interest her, let alone it popping up with a PIN request just incase she accidently did "tap the button" on one of the channels, because at the end of the day, not a fuck are they gonna cancel their subscription, Piet wont be able to watch his Rugby and Sarie won't be able to watch her programs, and we all no what lies on the other side of No DSTV land… yes, you guessed it… SABC… well, no comment.

The minute you give any of these super conservative bunch a chance at a say, they will tear it to shreds and cause such a big ndaba about it. 

In my opinion DSTV should get with the times and stop acting like it lives in the apartheid era where TV was highly censored, give people the freedom to choose what they want to watch and if they don't want to watch it then they don't watch it. There is actually a full on campaign called "Helping Hand" who are rallying support to stop this from happening because they feel that it will corrupt South African society and cause more sexual abuse amongst the population… have these people just stepped off the Ark? Has anyone cared to let them know that we have had this amazing thing for sometime now called "The Internet", where you don't even have to pay for a dose of smut, you just have to type three letters into Google and voila! and better still its in endless supply. It makes me wonder why these idiots haven't created a huge campaign to block access to porn sites on the net in SA, which I'm sure will cause an outbreak of full scale riots because of it… I'll tell you why, because they know they can't stop that, its way too big, the only reason why they are jumping around about it now, is because DSTV were stupid enough to let anybody voice their opinions about it. I bet you even ol' Piet checks out a few sites when Sarie puts her green face mask on and heads to bed leaving him unfulfilled, cause we all know he schmaaks a piece of that action

All of you with Sky will know, there's loads of porn channels available, some of the free soft porn ones are actually quite hilarious to watch for 5mins like Babestation etc. with the chicks on the phones pulling weird faces and trying to make it look like they actually enjoying themselves talking on the phone, I just can't help but laugh because it is so frickin cheesy its unbelievable. At the end of the day, millions of people have Sky and they have the freedom to choose what the want to watch, that's the way it is. How often do you venture into the high numbered channels where all the pay per view porn is… hardly ever I imagine, and most of the time its by accident cause there's bugger all on and you've gone through the entire list already.

Would you believe 41 000 very sad people have actually voted against having these channels on DSTV… very very sad

Where's the multichoice in Multichoice?

P.S. For anyone wanting to look at blocking porn via ISP's and DSTV, please go to Google and search for "RedTube"

What do you reckon? Comment at will…

- Marky Mark

Theres a bit of a rattle on the net at the mo with news that the Dalai Lama himself is sticking with the times and got himself his very own Twitter account… and before you label it as a hoax… see for yourself… it's Twitter Verified.

With hours now the main man has been racking in followers… welcome to new wave religious recruitment
Next we'll see the Pope taking a cue if he check that his competitor is getting the upper edge.

Don't take this the wrong way but, if Jesus was batting his 2nd innings, do you reckon he'd get himself a Twitter account too to stick with the times?

I've started following his holiness aswell since I quite enjoy his words of wisdom that you hear from time to time. Quite looking quite forward to it as he usually has something that is quite broad minded and gives you something to think about, which in all honesty and personal opinion, is a bit more than what I can say for the Pope who is supposed to be bigger in the sense of global religious domination, not to mention being the top man of the extremely well financed institution which we all very well know.

Follow PharSide  Follow Dalai Lama

- Marky Mark

Love it!

- Marky Mark

At around 11am this morning an Airlink passenger plane had a bit of a tumble when it missed the runway at George Airport in the Western Cape, it went crashing through a security fence and then onto a major road where it came to standstill.

Its not entirely known what exactly happened and I'm no pilot but from the pic below it looked pretty misty, although saying that, pilots are able to land massive jumbos at Heathrow airport in very poor visibilty conditions, so I'm sure we will find out soon enough.

Apparently the pilot was trapped in the cockpit for nearly an hour before he could be rescued but it wasn't clear whether he was injured or not, however it looks like he would have got the biggest of the bump as the plane came down the bank slamming the nose onto the ground. Hopefully he's not gonna be in too much of a kakpit after this one.

George Traffic Chief, Kenny Africa said that all 35 passengers had been evacuated from the plane with only minor injuries.

Looks like some people have had a bit of a kak start to the week. Hopefully the passengers didn't forget to pack a spare pair of jocks in their bags because I'm sure I would have literally kaked myself EISH!

[source]

- Marky Mark

The highs and lows of ZA News last week focusing mainly on the World Cup Draw

- Marky Mark

The highs and lows of ZA News this week

I can't get enough of this shit, its brilliant!

- Marky Mark

ZA News according to Zapiro – The highs and lows of ZA News this week

Love it!

Enjoy!

- Marky Mark

Giant Jellyfish Capsize 10-Tonne Fishing Boat - Giant jellyfish have capsized a 10-tonne fishing boat after its crew tried to haul in a net full of the stinging creatures off the eastern coast of Japan. – Full Story

Johnson saves woman from 'oiks' - London mayor Boris Johnson has rescued a woman who was being attacked by an armed group of young girls, chasing them down the road on his bicycle. – Full Story

Science chief backs cannabis view - The UK government's chief science adviser has told BBC News that he supports the former chief drugs adviser's scientific view on cannabis. – Full Story

Tangled web of 'Black Widow' case - Grandmother Betty Neumar has had five husbands, some of whom died in suspicious circumstances. As she awaits trial in the US over the death of husband number four, film-maker Norman Hull investigates whether the woman known as 'The Black Widow' could really have been a serial killer. – Full Story

Bid To Find Madeleine Using Social Networking - Social networkers are being urged to get involved in a new online campaign to find Madeleine McCann by spreading a video appeal around the world. – Full Story

Rats Shocking: Ad For Fake Drugs Screened - A hard-hitting new television advert deemed so shocking it can be shown only after 11pm has been broadcast. – Full Story

Kilimanjaro Snow May Vanish In 20 Years - The famous "Snows of Kilimanjaro" which cap Africa's highest mountain are melting so fast they could be gone within two decades, according to experts. – Full Story

Kristen Stewart And Nikki Reed 'Joke About Responding To Twilight Haters' – Twilight's Nikki Reed has revealed that she and co-star Kristen Stewart often consider responding to their online critics. – Full Story

Louis Walsh: 'John And Edward Can Win The X Factor' - Louis Walsh says John and Edward can win The X Factor, despite claims that they can't sing. – Full Story

Malema not above the law – Cronin - The government is investigating reports that controversial African National Congress Youth League leader Julius Malema threw his weight around after being stopped for speeding in Limpopo, Deputy Transport Minister Jeremy Cronin said on Tuesday.
 - Full Story

Broken finger sidelines Spies - Johannesburg – South African number eight Pierre Spies has pulled out from his team's European tour after breaking a finger at the weekend, officials said on Tuesday. – Full Story

- Marky Mark