Archive for September, 2009

hahaha I had to laugh at this today… it definately qualifies for an “Only in SA” stamp of approval, not because the cans clearly say Castle Lager but whoever came up with this is an absolute genius but also probably the worlds dumbest idiot… Who rocks up at a braai with one can of beer…. at any braai, at the very least a 6 pack should have been consumed before even opening a braai pack… this is because us okes become the worlds best gourmet braai masters / chefs after a couple dops… trust me, I can prove this to you, just come home with me after a night out on the razzle in Wimbledon and tell me you are a little peckish… I’ll cook up a storm that would rival that of Jamie Oliver or Gordon Ramsay hands down! haha It’ll be the most exotic yet delicious meal you’ve ever had

- Marky Mark

Kiff Mullet Bru!

- Marky Mark

Currie Cup Results for this last weekend:

Saturday, Sept 26:
Lions 88-15 Boland
WP 43-3 Griquas
Bulls 30-27 Cheetahs

Friday, Sept 25:
Sharks 34-20 Leopards

Teams		P	W	L	D	BP	PF	PA	PD	LP
	Sharks	12	10	2	0	5	360	184	176	45
	Western Province	12	9	3	0	8	370	92	178	44
	Griquas	12	8	4	0	6	351	347	6	38
	Bulls	12	7	5	0	8	353	248	105	36
	Lions	12	6	6	0	8	347	248	99	32
	Cheetahs	12	6	6	0	6	361	250	117	30
	Leopards	12	1	11	0	2	217	461	-244	6
	Boland	12	1	11	0	1	163	599	-437	5

Again…I don’t mean to sound biased but…… GO SHARKS!!!!! hahaha

[source]

- Marky Mark

Ok so I was down at the folks on the weekend and what do they do on a Saturday night around this time of year? Well they watch X-Factor ofcourse

Now I don’t normally watch these reality contest types… but this was just too funny.

This dude is nothing like you’ve ever seen in the deepest darkest hole of Camden, seriously, I reckon the crazy looking dudes working at CyberDog in Camden would say, “What the f*** is that?” haha but no seriously, there is being unique and being an individual but then there is also ridiculous and useless.

Well meet Ron Daniel, apparently he is a he and he is 28, originally from Israel and his website is www. …… hahaha

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZ5KvOHg7Vo

Notice how all this dude wants to do is plug his website on TV, did he honestly think he’d get away with it… this shit ain’t live man, the can edit it out of their recording or couldn’t you think that far ahead.

My favourite part is when Simon Cowell asks what he does…. his answer: ” I on benefit and go to party”

What an absolute loser! yes, yours and my taxes are supporting this useless waste of space… I don’t mind people being themselves but what I do mind is someone who does nothing to support themselves, going against the system when its the system that is the hand these parasites live off…. (I will contain myself now) 

oh just in case you were really wondering, here is the dumbass’ website…

http://www.planetnana.co.il/punk69boy/

- Marky Mark

EISH!, howz this…

UK Customs Officials at Hearthrow Airport smelt a rat, or should I say the rat was possibly re-enacting a scene from Trainspotting when they stopped a shipment of Curios and Souvenirs passing through the airport from Durban, South Africa.

On having a closer little peek, they uncovered 165kgs of heroin hidden inside the souvenirs.

Serious Organised Crime Agency officials were then alerted and let to a house in Maidstone, Kent where even more smack was found.

Further investigations were made and more searches back in sunny Debben by the sea were carried out resulting in further finds.

A total of 360 kg’s of heroin and 6500 kg’s of Hash, yes 6.5 TONS of hash was found… EISH!

This amounted to an estimated street value of £25m! Crikey! imagine converting that to Ront, I bet someone is not a very happy bunny.

A few of the parcels from the bust

Apparently 7 arrests have been made of which 5 were made in South Africa and 2 here in England.

And you wonder why sometimes those okes at Passport Control give you a hard time when you get back from a SA holiday.

EISH! all I can say is, EPIC Drug Smuggle FAIL!

[source]

- Marky Mark

This weekend saw the All Blacks pummel the Aussies to take second place, you see that, second place in the Tri Nations Championship, final score was NZ 33-6 Aus… EISH!

Currie Cup Results for this last weekend:

Saturday, September 19:
Boland 16-72 Bulls
Griquas 36-31 Lions
Sharks 24-13 Cheetahs

Friday, Sept 18:
Leopards 3-37 WP

Current Currie Cup Log:

I don’t mean to sound biased but…… GO SHARKS!!!!! hahaha

[source]

- Marky Mark

On Friday night I was doing some late night web cruising and stumbled upon something that really made me tilt my head, frown my eye brow and say…huh?

Now I will tell you how I stumbled upon this just so your renegade little minds don’t start wondering what sort of topics I was looking at in relation to what I am talking about here I was really bored okay, so  somehow I got looking at sites with “The 10 Best of everything” and obviously the corresponding “The 10 Worst of Everything”…. this obviously came up in the latter and I’m really not surprised to say the least, because in the immortal words of Chandler Bing’s ex-girlfriend, Janice…. OH (pause) MY (pause) GOD!

I found this website which acts pretty much the same as any personals or penpal website however the catch is that your new penpal may very well be a convicted killer; rapist or pedophile….

I was quite amazed when I saw this and thought whoever came up with this bright spark idea and thought that it would turn into a thriving business was on frickin drugs and should be locked away with the rest of his/hers awaiting “PenPals”.

http://www.meet-an-inmate.com

Howz this though?

Can you imagine what it must be like for attractive men and women to be without companionship?

Yes, I can actually, I was single for quite some time and quite enjoyed myself… maybe a little too much hehe

These inmates are very real and are seeking you!  Why not give it a try?

Yes, they probably are, do you honestly want me to cause a convicted killer to take an interest in me?

It is suggested (but not required) you include at least two photographs in your first letter. One photo should be a close up view of your upper body and face. Try to pose a friendly and pleasant smile. The second photo should show the full body pose. It is always a good idea to pose with a pet in your photo if you have one. Another option would be a photo of yourself while doing one of your favorite pastimes.

Ok, let me get this straight, you want me to become friends with someone who may have raped, killed or sexually abused someone and in my first letter you want me to send photos of myself… just so that they can then look me up when they get out of the big house and “need a friend”… have you never heard of FaceBook and how easy it is to find people these days…

Seriously, you might aswell ride your bicycle through Soweto sporting a kiff khaki uniform waving a massive AWB flag around shouting “Free Target!” if you wanted to invite yourself to get harmed.
All I can say is… Only in America people… the land of Jerry Springer and where The Mullet is still cool…

- Marky Mark

Now okes, I know this is going to be incredibly difficult (especially for The Boschman) but if you try and look at the left side of the screen you may notice an important message from this angelic creature Megan Fox… haha

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFFAZgiJOAE

Although I must say, I’m quite surprised that teachers and parents in the states aren’t going nuts over this and getting it banned. Just a thought since they have a high rate of school kids taking their teenage angst out on other school kids with automatic weapons in the US. Although thinking about it, these types of kids are usually young hormon crazed males, so I guess they really aren’t gonna be reading the left hand side of the screen or hear what she’s saying at all now are they haha

- Marky Mark

Well here is something you really don’t hear of much when it comes to the South African Administration System, ie. dealing with Home Affairs and friends.

I was actually quite shocked when I read the result of this.  Fortunately I have not had the pleasure of having to waste hours of my life that I’ll never get back waiting in a queue at the South African Embassy in London…yet… although I have had my fair share of dealings with Home Affairs back in SA, and not to mention many hours at the Marianhill Licensing department in Pinetown, where on the occasional day when I’d just finished school, I’d wake up at around 12pm (this was normal) and notice a little note left on the kitchen counter from my ballie which read,

Mark, here’s some bucks, I’ve filled out the forms, howz to just pop over to the licensing department quick and get a new tax disc for the trailer when you have a few minutes? Thanks a mil, Cheers Dad.

Ja, shot Dad! let me just go buy myself a tent, a sleeping bag; a skottel; a shitload of valium to keep the temper volcano from erupting and don’t expect me home until Friday, while I wait in the queue, although you may see me from time to time while I dart back home to fetch some unknown required document, and then go back to start from the back of the queue again… skottel and all!

But as it turns out coming to England you do realise some countries do have a very efficient system in place in which peasants such as ourselves endure minimal stress. I realised this very quickly as when I got here, one of the first things I did was get my SA Drivers license exchanged for a UK license, all I had to do was fill out a form, pop that; £30;  my SA License and SA Passport into an envelope and post it, yes, you are telling a saffa fresh off the boat in a foreign country, to POST his passport off to somewhere in Wales after 21 years of experience with the “South African Postal Service”, lets just say it took a bit of convincing but I was assured it would be fine. Literally 3 weeks later, VOILA! I had a brand spanking new UK drivers license, that lasts double the time of an SA license and costs next to nothing to renew.

However, we may be in England, but we were now still dealing with our old foe… South African Administration…

So my mate Darren Akins’ passport was nearing the end of its life cycle… this is his story

I recently had to visit the South African Embassy in Charing Cross to renew my good old Green Mamba. This wasn’t because I had 2 blank pages left (had I not needed a Schengen Visa every time to travel Europe, this would have been a different story) but because my 10 year expiry date had come. I don’t think I can even remember smiling for my previous passport photo. Hair all neat and tidy and no 5 o’clock shadow to be proud of. Ah, the days of being at school, not a stress in the world. Well, it’s only once every decade that I have to get some new snaps done, fill out a couple of forms, wake up at sparrows and head down to the local embassy. I had read on the internet that the Appointment System had changed and that I didn’t need one anymore to renew my bad boy. Sweet, because I had tried earlier in the year to call and the phone just rang and rang…hmmm?? So anyways, I got down there fairly early to be greeted by this massive queue that actually went up the street and then back down again. Okay, I exaggerate, but at 8 in the morning, it seemed long to me. Well after waiting outside for 20 minutes, I finally got through the front door and received my ticket number…49…yes please! I had all my documents filled out already before I arrived but they are quite jacked up there. The lady in the front asks why you here and gives you the necessary forms to fill out. Could be a good idea to do it there as the wait can be quite long. I waited nearly 2 and a half hours to be served. But there those questions like your mom’s birthday and when your folks got married etc so you might want to check that out before hand. Its very nicely decorated inside with a glorious big picture of our hero Jacob Zuma in a dashing golden frame that stares at you while you wait your turn. It actually went quite smoothly. They helped me fill in a few fields that I wasn’t sure of, called me by my first name and even gave me washing up liquid to clean my hands after they took my finger prints. Paid my £14 and with my £6 change that I got from my 20, I popped into the Pret next door and grabbed a muffin and coffee. All in all, and to be very fair, it was actually a pleasant experience. Everyone can agree that dealing with Home Affairs can be a mission but the staff there were very helpful and made the process a whole lot easier. Just hoping that the turn around time of 4 months is just a bluff and that I’ll get mine sooner so I can spend Christmas at home in Durbs and chill on the beach in the blazing sun while everyone else in London enjoys the wet cold winter…brrrrr.

Wow, when I started reading that story, I was like, hahaha I know where this is going, sorry for you… but then to my shock and utter surprise, they go and actually make the visit quite pleasant! WTF! haha

So for any of you guys who have been dreading that expiry date in your passport, please do not fear… its not as bad as you think, the waiting time is basically the same time it takes you to get to work and back, well at least for us C.W.P.T.P’s (City Working Public Transport Peasants) Come to think of it, my Green Mamba  is up for renewal next year already, EISH! time flies! but I guess I needn’t worry too much since I now have my dashing Red Rooster… Yes, it is indeed the Rooster of all passports

I’ve just got one question to ask The Dazzler….

Did J.Z’s eyes follow you around the room wherever you went?… as if to say “Your ass is mine boy!” haha

And Daz, lets just hope you don’t get something back like this haha

South African ID Book Fail

- Marky Mark

If your house burns down and you’ve lost your dumbbells…. who you gonna call?

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!!!

Check this out

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlXF2_izmsk

- Marky Mark

As it turns out, our friend Julius Malema, President of the ANC Youth League threw a bit of a fanny wobble and went on a nice big racial rant as to why there were no white people at O.R. Tambo Airport to support and welcome home Ladies 800m World Champion Caster Semenya after her jog down the track in Berlin.

I really don’t get this oke to be honest, in the first few seconds of this video he bellows down the mic with “Down with Racism, Down!” and a few seconds later as if he was just itching to say it he starts going on a racial rampage…. what a knob!

And this is the idiot that is inline for the number one spot at running the country one day… EISH!, ja, BIG EISH!

Anyway, after all that I had to have a good laugh at the clipping from an SA Newspaper which is currently doing the rounds, there is just so much truth in it…. Julius = OWNED! haha

Click to enlarge

Nice Comeback

- Marky Mark

So it turns out that a Wimbledon bar known as The White Hart down on the Kingston Rd / Hartfield Rd junction thought it would “cash in” on the saffa population in the area without quite thinking it through correctly…

The Phreak sent me this newspaper clipping she cut out of one of the SA Newspapers here in London which struck up a bit of confusion…

Nice Try

The confusion rose where that same day our good friends over at VDP Group namely our main man, Guy Van Der Post, who is behind many well known clubs all over South Africa, one being Joe Cool’s itself, sent out a message to the members of the Clapham Grand Facebook group advising that he would be opening a Joe Cool’s here in London at the venue previously known as Zulu’s in Fulham. I contacted Guy and expressed my concern. As it turns out, Guy was already well aware of The White Hart’s intentions and had subsequently had his lawyers put the The White Hart’s management up against a wall. In the end The White Hart backed down and accepted defeat on the matter, but not before sending out a city-wide advert in a prominent SA Newspaper advertising their “Grand Opening”.

Bit cheeky of them to give it a go and turn out red faced, but whats even more cheeky is they actually stole the logo for their ad straight off the Joe Cool’s website…EISH! check here

All I can say is, White Hart……that was a FAIL!

(more info to come on the real Joe’s opening in Fulham in November so keep an eye out)

- Marky Mark

Some of you may of already heard of this oke over the last few months, but if you haven't, well here he is in all his glory. Parys is from a little dorpie in the Northern Cape called Poffadder and supposedly living here illegally in Leytonstone.

This video tells the story of when MTV Cribs decided to do a show on Parys' spot, well as you'll see, ol' Mr. Potgieter here proves he is the ULTIMATE dutchman

He tells me he may be releasing another video around about November, I'll definately keep a look out for it Enjoy!

- Marky Mark