Archive for November, 2009

Yes you did read that correctly… Legends of Kwaito, Mandoza and TKZee are coming to London! WOOT! WOOT!

For those of you that pick up a copy of The South African newspaper every Tuesday morning, you may have already noticed this, however Mandoza, the man behind the well known South African club anthem, Nkalakatha is going to be doing a show right here in London very soon.

I can't believe its been around 10 years already that Nkalakatha started busting out in just about every club in South Africa, not to mention also played during rugby games when tries were scored. I remember one of my best mates Rhys Williams dancing to it with all his staff in the back at Jabulani Butchery in Warwick Triangle, Durban whenever it played on the radio. Not to mention Mandoza doing a live performance of it for the final show of Big Brother 1 in SA, remember Ferdi, Bad Brad, Margaret and the likes? I can't believe how time has flown as it still feels like yesterday, just goes to show how much fun I've been having in London, cause damn its gone quick.

The show takes place on Saturday 5th December at Stratford Rex in Stratford on the east side… a bit of a trek for us South-WestSide locals but I think given its Mandoza and TKZee, it should be well worth the effort. Tickets are £25 in advance from TicketMania on 02085550044. They've got quite a lineup for the evening which starts at 9pm and runs all the way through to 5am Sunday morning… EISH! Big Night!… More Info

Just in case you haven't been very observant for the last 10 years or so… here a vid of Nkalakatha

Check out the flyer below (click to enlarge)

- Marky Mark

If you are stuck in London over Christmas for whatever reason and would do anything to fly to South Africa to surprise your folks, then don't stop reading now… because here is your chance thanks to KuduClub.com and their "Tuis Vir Kersfees" campaign, "Home for Christmas" campaign for all you guys from Durban North

KuduClub, in collaboration with the ATKV, Jukebox, kykNET, OFM and Rapport, are offering one lucky family the opportunity to bring a loved one home for Christmas.

Recognising that returning home to spend the festive season with the family is what all homesick expats long for, KuduClub – the online subscription channel that dishes up the best in South African entertainment – conceptualised the Tuis vir Kersfees campaign.

Now one lucky individual and his/her companion stands the chance of winning two return tickets back to South Africa on 22 December 2009. The KuduClub team will fetch them in their current country of residence and bring them home. There is nothing like a warm South African Christmas surrounded by loved ones, when you’ve spent the last few knee-deep in snow.

Says Andries Vrey, General Manager: Afrikaans (DStv Online): “The number of expats who log onto KuduClub.com to watch Jukebox and request songs for their friends and family back home, has opened our eyes to the fact that there are many South Africans spread across the world who would love to be home for a sunny Christmas. The festive season is a time when families come together and celebrate, and the KuduClub community are no different. We are pleased to offer the lucky winner of Tuis vir Kersfees the opportunity to spend Christmas at home”. 

To enter the competition, SMS the word KERSFEES and your name to 34585 (South Africa Only R2 per sms) if you want to nominate someone. Or visit www.kuduclub.com to enter online if you are not in South Africa.

I had a look and its pretty simple. All you have to do is visit their website, click on the "Tuis Vir Kersfees" link, then enter your Name and Surname along with your telephone number and email address, done!

Entries close at 12:00 on 25 November 2009. Thereafter the public can vote to choose a final winner. The winner, announced on 6 December during a live broadcast of Jukebox on kykNET, must be available to travel to South Africa on 22 December. For more information, as well as the terms and agreements, visit www.kuduclub.com.

Incase you're wondering, Jukebox is kykNET’s live music video show presented by the popular Afrikaans musician, Kurt Darren. The show is based on requests that viewers choose from a rotational list on the kykNet website and then submit via SMS, email or phone while the show is live. Viewers may submit their requests along with a message for that special someone or even for themselves to enjoy all the golden oldies or the latest Afrikaans hits. Each week sees a new special guest on the show with Kurt. Be sure to log onto http://www.kuduclub.com/ to submit your music video requests and watch Jukebox every Sunday evening at 9:00pm SA time.

So get stuck in guys, some dude won £250 000 at the Springbok vs Saracens game on Tuesday night for kicking the ball through the poles, do you think he had any idea he'd be that lucky when he was on his way to the game that evening… I think not… so have a go because it could be you flying home for Christmas on the 22nd December For more details visit www.kuduclub.com

- Marky Mark

In the heat of Ras Dumisani's unbelievably shocking rendition of the South African National Anthem at the start of the Springbok vs France game in Toulouse on Friday night, I've had a bit of time to have a few thoughts on the matter.

Now I know I may be starting a shit storm of controversy here, and I accept the fact that some narrow mindedness and follow the crowdness will want to have its sharp quick comments, but please bare in mind, I totally agree 100% that Ras Dumisani did butcher the national anthem in our eyes and should have without a doubt NEVER been on that field, yet there is a bigger picture here.

Now I must admit, the previous article was written straight after seeing a video of the shocking outrage that took place and hence without a doubt you can see that disgust within the writing. In the heat of the moment we can say the darndest things… any person in a relationship will agree However I do wish to take some of my derogatory comments about Ras Dumisani back, because after some further investigation, he is within his own rite and in my opinion, not such a bad reggae artist, but "REGGAE" being the operative word here. He is without a doubt and proved bigtime the other night, NOT a national anthem singer as we all now know. I did some looking around for some Ras Dumisani material on YouTube and to my amazement there is actually quite a bit there. So I thought I'd take a look and this is just one of them, have a listen.

Now I can't say I'm much of a reggae reggae fan to be honest, well at least not since my days of being a bit of a zolbol at school, where all our CD collections had at least one Bob Marley album (don't deny it, you know what I mean haha ), so I know most people will still think it is a load of shit, but look passed it for a second and you will probably realise that he isn't actually that bad…. AS A REGGAE ARTIST…  That is the style in which they make music and that is how they sing songs to their reggae style and beat.  You aren't gonna hire a reggae reggae band and not expect to hear reggae reggae music being the the main influence in any song that they play, only a moron wouldn't expect it. I'm actually quite astonishingly surprised that nobody saw this coming from a mile off.

Now another point is this, some people "believe" they can sing, just take a look every week at the X-Factor or Idols auditions, some of those people truely believe they can sing the song that they are singing. In their heads it sounds awesome and how it should be done, but for pretty much everyone besides them, its really just not the case. This is why they have a panel of judges that decide who goes through passed the audition stage, but they show the ones on TV that can't sing for blatant humorous purposes.

Take a look at this… get what I'm saying?…

And this oke is convinced he is an excellent rapper…just like Eminem

Maybe in Ras Dumisani's mind it actually sounded good, he proved this when he did it again on a Cape radio station yesterday, where he did actually think it was good, but  for everyone besides him, it wasn't good at all. Now I'm not saying that we should hold an X-Factor contest everytime we have a rugby match, but there should seriously be some sort of audition process in place to see that the artist is singing such an important song in a manner which is potentially acceptable to the majority. Trust me, you wouldn't have needed to be a Simon Cowell to decide whether it would be good or not, any person could have made that assumption beforehand.

What I am getting to here is, Ras Dumisani is as much a victim of this catastophe as everyone who was watching it was, and he is being made out to be the scapegoat in this saga which has now been labelled "Anthemgate". He truely believed just like all those X-Factor auditions that he could do it, but nobody stopped him and said, "hold on a sec my china, thats really not how that song should sound". He was just the poor bugger who was put out there believing that he could do it. There are alot of guys out there who believe they are Springbok quality rugby players and believe they have what it takes to represent their country, I'm sure you'll agree. If they were given half the chance they would take up the oppitunity without a second thought just like Ras Dumisani probably did, but there is a strict Springbok selection process in place which seperates the believers from the guys who have what it takes to be a Springbok, and to stop them from getting annihilated on the field just like Ras Dumisani.

As I said, it seems that Ras Dumisani is being made out to be the scapegoat here, everything about who he is has been trampled into the ground, whereas the real person or people responsible at the South African Embassy in Paris are hiding behind a curtain, too shit scared to come out and show their faces. I'm sure you will agree that it should be the person who is responsible for giving Ras Dumisani the go ahead, who put their signature on whatever piece of paper to say that Ras Dumisani would sing the anthem before the game, that is the person who's face and name should be plastered all over the internet receiving all the bad comments that we all keep seeing all over the place.
I think that person should publically apologise firstly to Ras Dumisani for giving him hope and letting him fail in front of a world stage along with the negativity that is now surrounding the poor dude, and secondly to South Africa as a nation, for single handedly embarassing the living daylights out of our country in front of the world.

That is the person who I think should be labelled the disgrace of South Africa, Public Enemy Number One!

Who is this person? What is their name? and more so, show us a photo of what this bloody poes looks like!

What do you think?

Over to you

- Marky Mark

The South African National Anthem sung at the start of the Springboks vs France game in Toulouse yesterday was an absolute disgrace to the nation

As many of you may have seen yesterday and witnessed in absolute shock, the South African National Anthem was "sung" by some absolute tone deaf idiot who proved to everyone at the stadium aswell as everyone viewing on TV that he cannot sing to save his life, by constantly going off key and going to his own beat which wasn't even to the beat of the rest of the music. I can honestly say that even my cat Pringles could have meowed the anthem better through the microphone. It was an absolute disgrace and complete mockery of our anthem and our nation.

You could see the look on the players faces that all that was going through their minds was WTF! Schalk Burger's face was priceless right at the end because you could see the disgust written all over his face. If I were The Legend That Is John Smit, I would have led the boys straight off the field into the change rooms and demanded that they find someone to do the anthem properly before they even think of stepping foot back onto that field.

Fortunately enough I actually missed the anthems and the kick off having no idea of the extent of what everyone was talking about with the anthems, until today when I found a video on YouTube showing it. I watched and I must admit, I was left completely lost for words, jaw dropped and eyes wide open. I could not believe that this was actually real and that it wasn't some kind of joke.

Bob Skinstad tweeted last night saying that the first thing South African Coach Peter de Villiers expressed at the start of the press conference after the game, was his disgust at the way the anthem was sung.

This is what The Legend That Is John Smit tweeted tonight

I bet every player thought the same thing at the time, that this was some kind of joke or that they were being punk'd, because it was absolutely ridiculous.

Where on earth did they find the dude in the first place? It's blatantly obvious that they didn't even audition the idiot beforehand because they would have very quickly realised that the guy cannot sing a line of the anthem without going off key. Whoever hired him and his two stooges should be made to make a formal public apology on TV and immediately fired thereafter because this was un-fuckin-believable!.. and I will not pardon my French

But howz this, its since come to light that the dude was hired by our own South African Embassy in Paris…  The way the process works is that when a foreign team visits, the French make a request to that country's embassy to ask if there is anyone who they would like to nominate to do the anthem, before finding someone themselves… so in other words some bunch of idiots who work in a small outpost of South Africa have completely embarrased our entire nation on a world stage.

EISH! I think someone is in a bit of kak

Just incase you missed it and want to experience this jaw dropping experience, see the footage for yourself below.

Shocked and Disgusted? I thought so…

Feel free not to hold back in your comments

- Marky Mark

Here's some tips on fun and amusing things to do with your girlfriend at home when you're bored

This one takes the cake literally…haha Apparently this is the guys revenge for getting his girlfriend for hitting him over the head with a tray and slapping it on YouTube…. OWNAGE!

Here's another great one, I keep telling The Jen that I have to try it sometime… you should see the stare… it would even make the Grim Reaper nervous

Ok this is break up material, not recommended… only do this if you are no longer happy in your relationship and you wanna go out in a blaze and glory!

The Jen should be glad I'm the smoker and not her… although the dude fails when he throws the bucket at her… EISH!

 

And last but not least… How to wake up your girlfriend

Disclaimer: Please note that I take no responsibility for the harm that may be caused to you in the event that your girlfriend bites back…HARD!

The Jen would also just like to point out that if I do attempt any of these useful tips, there will be dire repocusions for me in the form of physical harm and pain……. we'll see haha

- Marky Mark

Man spotted clinging to the back of a truck down the N1 in Cape Town

You've got to laugh at the stupidity of this Evil Knievel wannabe, this dude was spotted clinging to the back of a truck going down the N1 in Cape Town on Monday morning. Not much more I can say that the pictures wont, so here they are… enjoy

Look up ahead, its a bird, its a plane… nought bru, its a dude on the back of a truck

Lets get a closer look…

Don't look now, but you've got some badass kerels on your ass… try blend in by not looking back, maybe they won't see you…

Oh dear…. I reckon his banging his head on the back of that truck for this..bang! bang! bang!.. off to chookie!

I mean come on… did he think he wouldn't get noticed… maybe he only thought from the front..

Only in SA

[Thanks Rose and The Phreak]

- Marky Mark

As advertised, "The Saracens and their guests, the Springboks, meet and greet party with the players" but there were no Springboks… well at least any current ones…

You may recall that an article was posted with a flyer last week for a meet and greet with The Saracens and The Springboks in Wimbledon (View article here). We were all led to believe that The Springboks themselves would be there as stated on the flyer… Well my friends, I'm afraid this certainly wasn't the case. Infact, nothing could be further from it.

This evening I excitedly rushed back to Wimbledon in order to get there early so that I could at least get to say Howzit and have a chat with some of the players before it got too busy. When we got down there, we noticed a couple of the South African Saracens players, but no sign of a single player from our victorious XV anywhere in sight. As the evening panned out, it seemed the only "Springboks" that were there and with no disrespect to them, were Cobus Visagie and Wikus Van Heerden who "used" to play for the boks some time ago, but nowadays play for The Saracens, so all in all, it seemed to be a few Saracens players "and none of their guests". Ex-Sharks player now playing for the Saracens, Brad Barritt was there and The Jen got to chat with him for a bit.  During the evening an announcement was called where since I hadn't seen any of the Boks, I expected someone to announce that due unforeseen circumstances something had come up and the guys couldn't make it or were running late, but to my surprise, they thanked everyone for coming along; announced that there were a couple Saracens players in the venue and hoped we have a good evening… nothing whatsoever of the elusive Springboks. Eventually we left at around 10pm, quite disappointed to say the least amidst many people asking that one question… where are The Springboks?

So I think you probably get the picture, there were no Springboks, only two EX-Springboks who now fall in the category of Saracens players, and nothing said about The Springboks that were clearly advertised on the flyer. To be quite honest, I know it usually costs big tom for the guys to do public appearances, however due to the circumstances of them playing a few friendly's over here you may have thought otherwise, or at least had a couple of the okes there which I'm sure most people would have been happy with. Its not uncommon for them to make an appearance since they did rock up at Clapham Grand last time, with the legend that is John Smit even busting the decks during the night. I know most of the main guys were on a plane to France this evening, but to blatantly advertise that The Springboks are going to make an appearance and not follow through is rather disappointing, even knowing for certain that you are no doubt going to disappoint people is a bit beyond me, wasn't it as clear as day that this is what would happen? Its quite obvious that there were no plans for any of the current Boks to make an appearance to the extent that it is doubtful that the Boks even knew anything about it, because if there were concrete plans for it then we would have certainly got an apology from the organisers this evening. Seems a bit of a sneaky one to pull a crowd in my books.

Although this may not entirely be the venue's fault, as it may have been organised from outside of the venue, however at the end of the day, we have got some questions that need answering.

These are my views of disappointment based on fact of what appears to have been blatant false and mis-leading advertising.
Have a look at the advert via the link above and you be the judge.

Big Thanks to the Saracens players that came down, it was good to be able to meet you guys however sadly for some people this was overshadowed by the let down of expecting to see a few Boks but didn't.

Comments please

- Marky Mark

A Russian Fork-lift driver loses control and crashes into shelving and brings down the entire warehouse… hectic FAIL!

An accident occured in a booze warehouse in Moscow which stocked bottles of Vodka and Cognac last week.

As you will see, a fork-lift driver attempts to manoevre his fork-lift, however it appears he somehow loses control while in reverse and shunts backwards colliding into the corner of a heavy duty shelving rack. Within seconds the entire warehouse comes crashing down like a house of cards.

Luckliy the driver managed to be dug out of the carnage with only minor leg injuries, however I reckon for the rest of this oke's life he is going to start any drinking game with an automatic spillage penalty for crimes of mass destruction on poor innocent bottles of Vodka.

Apparently the damages amounted to £60 000, I bet thats his bonus out the door or should I say on the floor for that matter.

Check the Warehouse CCTV footage below…  EPIC FAIL!

[source]

- Marky Mark

Have a look at the picture below carefully…

Did you notice the girl in the background?

 

Did you notice her butt?

 

If you did then you have failed the eye test…..

 

What you should have seen was the shoulder of the girl with the camera

- Marky Mark

An Indian man is suing Unilever claiming the 'Lynx Effect' still hasn't worked after 7 years…

For those who are friends of mine on FaceBook will recall my status yesterday mentioning that I was having a laughing fit at my desk… well it was because of this.

Some 26 year old head case in India by the name of Vaibhav Bedi is suing Unilever, the makers of Lynx deoderant (Axe, for those is SA) for £26 000, claiming that he has been using a range of Lynx products for the last 7 years and still hasn't pulled a bird. He claims that the 'Lynx Effect' seen in the Lynx adverts is misleading as no girls have persued him as in the adverts which has caused him 'Depression and Phsychological damage'.

His court petition reads, "The company cheated me because in its advertisements, it says women will be attracted to you if you use Axe. I used it for seven years but no girl came to me."

Apparently Unilever have no comment at this time… I really don't blame them, I bet their PR people are still sitting there, jaws dropped an all wondering just how they could come back with a serious comment to the matter.

But would you believe it, the court officials in New Delhi have actually agreed to order forensic labratory tests on this idiot's half used Lynx products… seriously what are they actually testing for and better still, what do they actually expect to find?

Taking it even further, India's leading compensation litigator Ram Jethmalani warned: "There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I'd suggest that the company settles this issue out of court."

Seriously, WTF! are they actually going through with this absolute joke of a claim that is making the judicial system over there look like an even bigger joke for going with it? Next minute you are gonna have every Tom, Dick and Harry suing every company on the face of this planet for being 'misleading' in their adverts. Its called advertising you idiot and if you are thick enough to actually believe it whole heartedly, then I think you seriously need professional help… and I don't mean in the form of lawyers, I mean men in white suits. I wonder if this guy thinks that if he buys himself a new Toyota Corolla, his dog will become more sofisticated and start talking as seen here

I did however like what the litigator dude said about some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys, I mean, look at who The Jen is going out with It must be the Lynx Africa that I use everyday, however I kinda doubt it because I know exactly what it is….because I know what Parys Potgieter's "Love Potion" is, and trust me, as history shows, it works wonders… haha

All I can say to this dude is, trust me bru, it probably ain't Unilever you should be suing, maybe you should be suing your ballies for making such a fugly child, seriously, get a life, go hire a prozzie and get yourself laid because it sounds like you really need it as you really seem desperate.

BOM CHICKA WAH WAH! haha

Just incase you guys don't know what the 'Lynx Effect' is, check the video below… Eish, you boys will love this… look at 'em go

[Thanks Adé]

[source]

- Marky Mark