Archive for March, 2010

They say us Saffa's like to believe we're invincible (especially after a few Klippies) so we put it to the test… we rounded up two guinea pigs, and who better to use than my good friends, Dwayno and Julz… it was quite simple really, I didn't need to go out and buy a shitload of booze, then tie them to a chair and make them drink… no, I knew if I'd just let them run free they'd do just that…

On Saturday night Dwayno and Julz were out doing what they do best… getting nicely shoe polished at our bar of choice, namely Bar Sia. I joined them at a good hour around 1am after attending a birthday party at the Roadhouse in Covent Garden (awesome jol btw) and by the time Bar Sia closed we were all pretty much in all sense of the word… fucked! We hobbled down to the Passion Palace where I introduced our contestants to my little furry friend Tinka The Terrorist… now just to give you an idea of the state we were in… it would appear that Dwayno suffers from a slight case of narcolepsy… ever seen a man fall from an upright standing position face first, face planting the carpet?… well yeah, we have now Eventually we noticed it was getting a little light outside and decided it was time to catch a few zzz's… so on they went to their humble abode walking in the door around 6am… and this is where the fun starts….

7:30am – Tring! tring! alarm goes off and our contestants rise and shine… after just over an hours sleep (still feeling rather trashed) they drag their sorry asses to central London to the start point of 10km/6mile run for Sport Relief… thats right ten frickin K's… it may not seem like much for a few of you but in my world, that's like running from Durban to Cape Town (I've got short legs you know). And so, all kitted out in their proper running attire the race commenced at 10:25am and off they went…

Now I could quite understand if these two came stone last or bailed out 10 meters from the start, because these two were BROKEN the night before, trust me, I was there! I could barely make it down the stairs to the front door that morning, virtually collapsing at the door of the off license to get another packet of cigarettes… but no! these mutant super humans from another frickin planet, finished the 10km race in 56mins flat! …. yes! 56mins!… no chunda, no bambi, no stretcher… three simple words spring to mind… here's the abbreviation… WTF!

I won't lie, I was driving when I took the call to say they had completed the race and quite honestly, I almost crashed the Black Mamba because just the thought of it put me into a state of shock.

I think this proves the fact that us Saffa's are quite honestly invincible hardcore motherfuckers to say the very least

Well done to Dwayno and Julz for being such good guinea urr sports, and I would just like to inform them that they are now the current front runners for the PharSide "I'm Fuckin Bulletproof" Award!

Well done boyz! You did us proud!

Hey Dwayne!….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hahahhaha

Check out the pics below… ironically, Dwayno had his sunnies on just incase the sun hurt his eyes… I think that must have been the least of his problems!

P.S. They didn't stop there… they proceeded on to the Walkabout for an afternoon of booze and football which carried on till 10pm… have a good day at work yesterday boys?

- Marky Mark

A very good friend of mine by the name of Denzil Baynes, endured many a cold winter here in London… until one day he came up with a bit of a bright spark idea… he wanted to be a yachtie… and to cut a long story short, thats just what he did. For some time now he's been cruising the Caribbean and the Med… living the dream in every sense of the word… he also likes to keep us updated with his adventures, so from time to time Denzil gives us a little update on where his ridiculously awesome life takes him…. a little inside look at life as a yachtie… Check out the rest of Denzil's posts here

 I managed to sneak in 5 days downtime after the Yacht owners left the boat in Atlantis on the 6th March. The Captain and I hopped on a plane from Nassau to Fort Lauderdale to see our ladies. Lucy was still up in West Palm Beach so she booked me into a hotel close to Rybovich marina, unfortunately she still had to work every day. I used the time to chill and cruise West Palm on my "Hawg". The Hawg is a 50cc Scooter which Lucy and I bought back in 2008 when we were job hunting in Fort Lauderdale. It was a blessing of a purchase as it saved us big cash when needing to get to and from marinas whilst dock walking. If anyone is thinking about joining the Yachting industry I strongly advise splashing out around $600 for a Scooter! I've since handed the Hawg down to my brother Matt who is getting loads of use from it.

On my way to Fort Lauderdale however, my backpack was lost by the airline. I landed in Fort Lauderdale with intensions of catching a ride North with my Captain and having a shorter Tri-Rail trip. This certainly was not the case! I was kept waiting for a half hour before someone gave me a missing baggage reference. I was told that it may still be in Nassau and when it arrives it'll be delivered to Lucy’s boat in WP. I left the airport for the Tri-Rail, had to wait 40 mins for the shuttle and then an hour on the platform…with no bag and just a T-shirt and baggies. It was about 10 degrees that night as a cold front had hit the day before!

Eventually I arrived in West Palm to be greeted by my gorgeous little blonde and two of her crew members, Kevin and Nicole. Kev was kind enough to lend me some warm clothes and then we headed over to City Place for dinner…and lots of drinks!

I had bought a return flight back to the Bahamas but decided to sail back aboard Lucy’s yacht called Prediction. Her Captain and 1st Mate are friends with my Captain so they made the arrangements and before I knew it I was aboard her boat tucked up nicely in the starboard forward guest room! I did however do my part and helped out with the watch schedule and lent a hand when docking in Atlantis. My boat was due to leave the very next day so I got everything secured, checked fuel levels, singled lines and lifted the tender for an early departure the next morning. That evening with everything ready to go I felt relaxed and went out with Lucy’s crew to a little known spot by Yachties called "Hurricane Hole".

The next morning we were off the dock at 7am and bound for Staniel Cay which is an island that makes up part of the Exumas. Approaching the dock with the wind howling and fenders wrapped around the boat we eventually tied up, rinsed down and hit the Staniel Cay Yacht Club for supper. We were due to be off the dock at 8am the following morning but the wind was pushing through at 30 knots so we played it safe and decided another night wouldn't hurt. This place was amazing! The water was as clear as an Olympic swimming pool with coral heads scattered like freckles on the nose of a 6 year old and it was swarming with Nurse Sharks and Stingrays. The Sharks would swim right up to the boat almost in arms length which at first terrified us until we learnt that they were as harmless as crickets. This still however didn't make me want to stick my arm in and pet one like a puppy. My crew and I sat on the swim platform of the boat sipping ice cold beers whilst watching them and various other sea life such a needle nose fish enjoying our underwater lights.

With the intensions of spending another night we woke up early and decided to take a relaxed walk around the island followed by lunch and a few beers at the Yacht Club. Dan the Chef and I were well into our 5th beer when the captain came running towards us. He began telling us that we were getting kicked off the dock due to high winds and that the dock master won't allow us to tie up. We left out beers spinning on the table and headed back to the boat. Radios on, fenders ready, everyone on standby we started the engines and dropped lines. The problem now was that a half hour to sunset we didn't have much place to drop anchor as everyone else had the same idea! The only option left was to run the next leg of our journey…an 18 hour passage to Turks & Caicos!!

We had to expect nothing less than 6 foot seas rising almost double in deeper waters. We knew we now had 18 hours of punishment ahead of us. Captain and Renny, our Stewardess, took the first 4 hour watch with Dan and me doing the next 4 and so the schedule would be 4 hours on and 4 hours to sleep. It's tough when the boat is travelling far distances with only 4 crew members to make up a watch schedule.

The first watch with Dan and I went well, however, the second watch was a nightmare. I had been sleeping down in my cabin with no air-conditioning so woke up drenched and thrown straight into a state of vertigo. I couldn't see, my head went instantly hot, my stomach turned and I knew I had dived head first into a whirlpool of sea sickness! I managed to get myself up to the wheelhouse, grabbed the wicker waste paper basket and prepare for the worst!

I heard my Captain bellow "Noooooo!" followed by a high pitched "that’s not gonna work!" I then got myself out the companion way door and onto the flybridge where I promptly collapsed and passed out. I have never experienced a case of sea sickness like that before and hope to never again. The following morning while discussing the situation it became clear to me that 5 beers, 2 bowls of Rennys Chilli and 10 foot seas are a very bad combination! Note to self.

After 18 hours we eventually sailed into port at Turtle Cove marina in the Turk & Caicos Islands. We had to have a pilot direct us through the narrowest channel whilst dodging coral heads. Once tied up on the dock, shore power hooked up and boat rinsed down it was playtime! We were all exhausted so we decided a cocktail at the 7 Stars Resort beach bar during sunset would be the best way to preserve energy for our following day off.

Well, I guess there was no energy preserved on my behalf as I woke up the next day at 1pm. I've got a memory foam mattress on my bed and no matter how wide awake I am I simply just cannot stay awake long enough to finish watching a movie or read a chapter of a book or anything. I guess I needed that 13 hour solid sleep! That evening after a chilled day onboard playing with iTunes etc we all went out for a crew dinner at the Marina restaurant on the hill.

Monday, March 15th we left the dock at 7am to fuel and depart at 9am for our 28 hour passage from Turks & Caicos to St Thomas…

Nice one Den

Denzil sent us some pics… these make me sick!… with ENVY!

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- Marky Mark

Have you ever thought about packing up the huge amount of stuff that you've hoarded over the few years that you've been in London, (even though you came over with just one bag) and making the great trek back to SA, but the thought of starting from scratch again scares the daylights out of you to the extent that as unhappy as you really are, you battle it out. For some of us London is absolutely awesome but there are some who miss SA way too much to be away any longer. Well here's a little something that will help make that return a whole lot easier, thanks to Homecoming Revolution… and its all happening this weekend.

Ayoba! Homecoming Revolution to host Bafana Bafana Captain at London Event

Aaron Mokoena, The Bafana Bafana Captain, will address South Africans living in the UK at the Homecoming Revolution London Event on 21 March.  This is a fantastic opportunity for Aaron to get South Africans in the UK to support their National Team and excited about the impending World Cup. He will also share his personal story and his pivotal role in making a contribution to creating a better South Africa.  He recently launched the Aaron Mokoena Foundation in the UK. The inspiration for the Foundation is Aaron's desire to increase and improve opportunities for children and young people across South Africa using the power of football to impact on education, health and life opportunities.  

Martine Schaffer, Managing Director of Homecoming Revolution said: “We are thrilled that Aaron is going to be sharing his story with the South Africans in the UK at our event.  In this momentous World Cup year, Aaron is probably one of the most important people in South Africa right now.  He also represents, that you can live elsewhere and still make a very significant contribution back to your home.  He is definitely one of our modern day icons and we hope that after July he will have lead his team to victory. We are using the event to create excitement around the football and we can think of no-one more prevalent than the Bafana Bafana Captain.”

The event will be held on the 20th and 21st March 2010 at Kensington Olympia Conference Centre in London.  The event is aimed at South Africans living in the UK and will give them the opportunity to meet directly with high profile employers who are searching for talent. It will also give them a chance to find about purchasing property, schooling and post graduate education, starting up businesses, setting up bank accounts, and immigration advice. The exhibition is supported by a speakers programme.

A selection of the companies that will be exhibiting for skills at the event include: First National Bank, Group 5, Edcon, Foschini, Nedbank Capital, Investec, CSIR and South African Breweries.  They represent a broad cross section of skills across a variety of industry and should offer professionals a good variety of opportunities. Recruitment Agencies will also be attending. The Independent Schools Association of South Africa will be offering advice on schooling in South Africa and both Gordon Institute of Business Science and The University of Stellenbosch Business School will be showcasing their post-graduate studies, including MBA advice. Also plenty of advice on investing in property.

Other speakers will cover topics from business to education and include Professor Nick Binedell from Gordon Institute of Business and Professor Cheryl de la Rey the new Vice Chancellor of University of Pretoria.

Aaron Mokoena was called up at the age of seventeen to join the National Team Squad, following impressive form at Jomo Cosmos and Ajax Cape Town. He quickly moved to Europe when he played for Bayer Leverkusen, Ajax Amsterdam and Genk. He moved to the English Premier League and currently plays for Portsmouth.   He will captain the South African Bafana Bafana Team for the World Cup and is the country’s most capped player.

- Marky Mark

Ey lani! Check my fuggin cuzzie Rajiv bru! ee tjoons a one kind fuggin schweet hiphop tune here ekse! I get the stekkies! 

Fuggin bustin da shit straight out of fuggin Chatsworth bru!

Check this short little rap, if you don't crack a smile… please seek professional help

"I came in my cab and your ma dropped you!"

"I bra what you got for lunch? Stekkies ekse!"

haha Love it!

[Thanks Cam]

- Marky Mark

I've said it a million times but I'll say it again… I thought I'd seen it all… until now… Check this kiff new brand of low profile tyres spotted in a parking lot at OR Tambo Airport in Joburg. 

The brand is the new extremely affordable Green Mamba which only comes in a super low profile, so low that it gives the illusion that your rims are touching the ground. Made from 100% used green hosepipe makes them affordable to everyone and guaranteed to give you a wild ride…. ja, thats what happened to your hosepipe that someone stole off your front lawn… I guess the sprinkler is used as part of the fuel injection system on this bad boy Ford Escort!

Wait for it…..

ONLY IN SA!!! haha

[Thanks Ma]

- Marky Mark

Now this is something that you are going to be hearing quite a bit of, its got VIRAL written all over it… and quite possibly the best thing to come out of Secunda, Mpumalunga … Am I the only person who actually knows where that is? I think these guys are about to put it on the map… Take it away boys, "My Prezidents a Pimp" by Gate Khahlela, namely Pava Gunz, Hoodsta and Enspektah

Just like it says, this here song is based on Jacob Zuma's habit of impregnating everything that he touches… and then marries it…

one word… AWESOMENESS!

Have a good listen to the lyrics… shear brilliance!

Love it! Well done guys!!! Say it like it is, now that my friends, is DIe Antwoord!

"Have a baby by my President and be the first lady!" bwahhaa!

Nice to see this come out just after JZ made an absolute tit out of himself in front of the Queen of all people… 

I guess the "PharSide Epic Fail of the Year Award" so far goes to, JZ, for providing One with a gift, namely a chess set…. just like the one Madiba gave her a few years ago… wah wah wah wahhhhh!
Which one do you reckon is gonna land up in her car boot sale?

- Marky Mark

I wouldn't normally post something like this but since its to do with a fellow Saffa and Durban local and since I have the means to help out I feel I need to. Donavan van Lill went missing from his home in Chippenham, Wiltshire which is west of London on 3 March. His wallet, passport, phone and car were not taken with him, and nobody has seen or heard from him since.

A FaceBook group has been launched with full info and more pictures of what Donavan looks like so please join the group as it could be you who spots him. The link for the group page is as follows: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=389933046608 please check the group for more information.

Although he might not live in London, Londoners are urged to please keep there eyes peeled since London is a likely hub of where anyone would go.

Here is an extract taken from the FaceBook Group,

"Donavan was last seen at home on Wednesday morning when his housemate went out to work. When Donavan didnt turn up for work people started to worry as it is very out of character for him. When his housemate returned he wasnt there, his phone and wallet and car was still at home. His laptop was open and on and logged on to FB (which is not like him either) so concerns was raised. The police are involved but treating it as low priority because there was no note left and he hasnt left with lots of alcohol or pills or anything. However, the police raised this to medium priority yesterday as this is so out of character for him and there have been no further clues. He has nothing on him except for what he had on.

The police have done searches on his bank account, laptop etc which didnt lead to any clues. The police has his laptop, phone, wallet, passports etc with them. They have also checked CCTV cameras at the train station with no result there.

We call on anyone that feel that they might have the smallest amount of info to call the police on 0845 4087000."

- Marky Mark

DSTV Multichoice has apparently been inundated with requests for porn channels over the last few months, to the extent that they are actually looking at getting with the times by making this available as a pay per view option…but…

You may have heard a bit about this lately. DSTV Multichoice are looking at making porn channels available as a pay per view option, naturally… but you may have also heard about the huge amount of bullshit surrounding the whole saga to the extent that it is getting just a little bit ridiculous now. Recently DSTV decided that if they were going to do this, then perhaps it would be a good idea to get a general feeling about it from the public first… ja bad idea, and quite honestly an epic fail since they are probably wishing they never brought the whole topic up. What they should have just done is, made it available, if you want to watch it, you pay for it, thats it, simples… but no, they had to go and open a massive can of worms, did they not realise that there was going to be a great divide as to who wants it and who doesn't?

Lets be a little realistic and honest about the whole thing, Piet and Sarie are about 50 years old, Piet schmaaks checking the Rugby on Supersport on a Saturday and Sarie schmaaks checking her "whatever" programs and a kiff movie while they stay at home on a Saturday night. They receive an email or letter from DSTV advising that they want to know how everyone feels about having porn channels available but not "freely" available… Sarie immediately gets on her high horse throwing the Bible at it, stating that it is absolute filth and the demise of the human race yada yada yada… because it will be an awesome topic to display her "values" and uphold her status within her Wednesday goss… ur um..book club. Piet just agrees cause not a chance is he gonna be looked upon as the spawn of Satan by Sarie, she may very well deprive the poor bastard of the little bit of action he does get these days. So off goes their petition signed, Sarie and Piet… even though Piet is already skeeming in his mind about how he's gonna manage to hide the DSTV bill every month with the extra Pay Per View costs on it … Now if DSTV just went and did it, Sarie might be scrolling through the onscreen guide and notice a couple channels with titles such as "Gangbangs of New York"  or "Riding Miss Daisy" or something a little more obvious.. but the most she is gonna do is give a little "Sies!" and flick passed it. She doesn't care for it and it obviously doesn't interest her, let alone it popping up with a PIN request just incase she accidently did "tap the button" on one of the channels, because at the end of the day, not a fuck are they gonna cancel their subscription, Piet wont be able to watch his Rugby and Sarie won't be able to watch her programs, and we all no what lies on the other side of No DSTV land… yes, you guessed it… SABC… well, no comment.

The minute you give any of these super conservative bunch a chance at a say, they will tear it to shreds and cause such a big ndaba about it. 

In my opinion DSTV should get with the times and stop acting like it lives in the apartheid era where TV was highly censored, give people the freedom to choose what they want to watch and if they don't want to watch it then they don't watch it. There is actually a full on campaign called "Helping Hand" who are rallying support to stop this from happening because they feel that it will corrupt South African society and cause more sexual abuse amongst the population… have these people just stepped off the Ark? Has anyone cared to let them know that we have had this amazing thing for sometime now called "The Internet", where you don't even have to pay for a dose of smut, you just have to type three letters into Google and voila! and better still its in endless supply. It makes me wonder why these idiots haven't created a huge campaign to block access to porn sites on the net in SA, which I'm sure will cause an outbreak of full scale riots because of it… I'll tell you why, because they know they can't stop that, its way too big, the only reason why they are jumping around about it now, is because DSTV were stupid enough to let anybody voice their opinions about it. I bet you even ol' Piet checks out a few sites when Sarie puts her green face mask on and heads to bed leaving him unfulfilled, cause we all know he schmaaks a piece of that action

All of you with Sky will know, there's loads of porn channels available, some of the free soft porn ones are actually quite hilarious to watch for 5mins like Babestation etc. with the chicks on the phones pulling weird faces and trying to make it look like they actually enjoying themselves talking on the phone, I just can't help but laugh because it is so frickin cheesy its unbelievable. At the end of the day, millions of people have Sky and they have the freedom to choose what the want to watch, that's the way it is. How often do you venture into the high numbered channels where all the pay per view porn is… hardly ever I imagine, and most of the time its by accident cause there's bugger all on and you've gone through the entire list already.

Would you believe 41 000 very sad people have actually voted against having these channels on DSTV… very very sad

Where's the multichoice in Multichoice?

P.S. For anyone wanting to look at blocking porn via ISP's and DSTV, please go to Google and search for "RedTube"

What do you reckon? Comment at will…

- Marky Mark

A very good friend of mine by the name of Denzil Baynes, endured many a cold winter here in London… until one day he came up with a bit of a bright spark idea… he wanted to be a yachtie… and to cut a long story short, thats just what he did. For some time now he's been cruising the Caribbean and the Med… living the dream in every sense of the word… he also likes to keep us updated with his adventures, so from time to time Denzil is gonna give us a little update on where his ridiculously awesome life takes him…. a little inside look at life as a yachtie… prepare for part Uno… Enjoy

Currently I'm on a Caribbean charter which started in Naples, Florida… but first I'll tell you how this whole trip came about.

I left my last boat, Lady Kathryn IV, a 164ft (50 metre) Westport in Monaco in October of last year. My sights were set on progressing up the crew ladder as fast as I could to fulfil my ambition of becoming a Captain of a Superyacht. I spent 3 months in South Africa studying for my 200 ton ticket and endured many hours with my nose buried in books while sitting in the back Cottage at my parents home in Scottburgh, Kwa Zulu-Natal.
After what seemed like an incredibly fast 3 month stint I managed to enjoy a couple weeks relaxing with my girlfriend Lucy after hearing I had passed all my exams.

It was time to head back to America, Fort Lauderdale in Florida. A bit of background knowledge for those who don't know, Fort Lauderdale is the hub for all Yachties to visit Crew agencies, network and wait for the perfect job to roll in. I have family there so it eliminates the crew housing factor which is a huge expense saver when unemployed.
It didn't take long at all for Lucy to find a job, closely followed by myself. Matt, my brother, landed a month of daywork and is still currently employed on a short term contract with another yacht.

I was seeking a Bosun position, now a Bosun is typically the lead deckhand aboard a vessel, then there's 1st mate and at the top of the command chain is of course Captain. I had been getting calls all week from agents telling me they've put me forward to various B0sun positions etc etc, when out of the blue late one evening I received a voicemail from a Captain who'd seen my CV and was looking for a 1st mate. I thought immediately that it was a position a little out if my league however out of courtesy I called the Captain and he still wanted to interview me for the position. I accepted, met him the following day and within a week I was living aboard a 112ft Westport having skipped from Deckhand straight to 1st Mate!

I have just finished a 3 week charter in the Bahamas with the yacht owners, their friends and family. We left Naples, Florida, on the 16th of February with first destination being a members club called Ocean Reef which is based on the South East coast of Florida called the Florida Keys, near Key Largo.

We spent a full week here before heading 50 miles offshore to an island called Bimini where we were to stay 3 extra days. This was an unexpected duration of time due to 35 knot winds keeping us tied to our dock with 10 to 12 foot swell beyond the breakwater.

On the 26th of February we sailed into Nassau, the Atlantis mariner based in Paradise Island which is a smaller island connected by a large bridge to the Bahamian island of New Providence….you got that?
We stayed here in Atlantis from the 26th of Feb to the 6th March which completed the first leg of our charter until the owners return again at the end of March. In the interim we will be sailing the "Ha-Sea II" down South to begin the next chapter… the Caribbean season.

Here's a little something to make you shed a tear or two

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- Marky Mark

Just a few reasons why you should always ask a lot of questions when viewing a property that you are looking at renting as you might just uncover more than what meets the eye….

For every Saffa living in London, we are all too well experienced in the mission of looking for a decent spot, not all of us come over here with £50 000 in our pockets to slap down as a deposit on a house, because if you did have that kind of money to blow on a deposit, then its probably best you stay in SA and buy yourself a nice little mansion. So as the majority of us rent, we've all seen our share of dodgy shit holes that prospective landlords couldn't even expect cockroaches to live in…. lets just say, by the end of this article, you will no doubt ALWAYS request a new mattress or bed

We've all had our experiences where we've moved into an "awesome" spot and only then once deposits are paid and you've signed on the dotted line, you find out there's alot more that meets the eye, for example, the ridiculously noisy neighbour, Moby Dick upstairs that thumps around in her high heels on a wooden floor, the old granny downstairs who keeps knocking and putting letters through your door every time you let a slight fart slip out, even when you've used extreme stealth and precision, quite successfully muffling the thundering sound between your ass cheeks and the layers of cushion in your couch… don't laugh girls, you know I'm talking about all of you haha Sadly its usually all these sorts of things that you only find out afterwards, unless you asked the right questions to the slimey snake err um I mean estate agent beforehand. He may not have to tell you everything without you knowing he's lying or not telling you everything, We've all fallen short of these problems in one shape or form, even myself a few months back where I couldn't do any recording for the entire time I was there due to the thumping sounds of peoples heels above…. but these are all very minor when you read what happened to my good friend "Joe" (not his real name, he's requested me not to mention it, you'll see why)…. Ask yourself this question…. How well do you know the history of the place you are renting right now?

A few months ago Joe moved into his new place with his doll and it seemed like your pretty average rent, everything that met the eye seemed ok and nothing to complain about… yet… until the end of the first night of course. The very next day, Joe had to contact his landlord to ask him if he wouldn't mind changing the mattress since his missus had literally been chomped by bedbugs throughout the night. To Joe's surprise there was no hesitation and the very next day, the old bed was swiftly removed and a brand new bed installed…. all was fine over the next few months, however soon Joe and his doll realised that they needed a bigger boat, so they decided to move out. On the day they were moving out, the neighbour popped in to wish them farewell and noticed the new bed and redecoration of the place… the neighbour then went on to say how nice the place looked after what happened with the previous tenant. As you can imagine, Joe grew slightly inquisitive as anybody would and asked what had happened… well… howz this for a story…. The previous tenant was apparently attacked at the nearby train station and hit over the head with something, he made it home however he died lying face down in a pool of blood from the head wound… on the bed…. After a few days the neighbour noticed a smell coming from the room due to the door being slightly ajar from when the tenant obviously stumbled home injured and met his end. It probably wasn't a very pleasant site however the landlord did a sterling job at cleaning up the place however do you think he replaced the bed??? This is a landlord we're talking about, they'll cut costs even if it costed them there own mother's limbs…. Lets just say, I guess the well cleaned blood stain and bits of brain matter were on the underside of the mattress that could have passed for "other stains" if questioned…. now we know why those frickin bed bugs had such a taste for blood  

Luckily Joe didn't have to spend another night there, because quite honestly I couldn't have.

So… had any previous tenants being victims of a murder in your bed recently?….

Got any tales of renting woe? the comment section is all yours… go wild!  

- Marky Mark